THE CHALLENGE OF COMMITMENT

It happened several years ago but, even now, I think “what a world we live in”.

In 2010 I read, in open-mouthed astonishment, a newspaper article about a Toronto woman suing Rogers because, she claims, the Canadian internet/cable TV/telephone/mass media conglomerate’s billing practices ruined her marriage.

Gabriela Nagy launched a $600,000 lawsuit against Rogers Communications for invasion of privacy, breach of confidence, breach of privacy and negligence.

She claims the company was wrong to bundle her cellphone bill with her husband’s Internet and home phone services. The resulting invoice, addressed to her husband, contained details of her outgoing cell phone calls – details which, Ms. Nagy said, her husband used to figure out she was having an affair. He took their children and left her in 2007.

A Rogers spokesperson, while denying it breached her privacy, said Ms. Nagy and her husband asked to have all their services consolidated into one bill.

First of all, I have to admire Ms. Nagy’s chutzpah, to brazenly sue a company for exposing her infidelity. Never mind that it would have made more sense to spend her time and energy fixing her marriage or, if her husband was not willing, to seek professional help and get to the bottom of her lack of commitment.

When I finished reading the article, I recalled other media reports about a website called AshleyMadison.com. Using the slogan “Life is short. Have an affair”, the site claims that, for a fee, it will guarantee you a, um, successful affair.

So it appears our culture is moving toward approving adultery – even as it exercises a double standard by punishing celebrities and “heroes” like Tiger Woods when they fall on their faces.

Is marriage easy? Occasionally but, after health issues, it’s often the biggest challenge in our lives. And yet, I’ve read of studies that show single people don’t live as long and are often more lonely than married couples.

Then I remember something I read in the Bible: “No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; He’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; He’ll always be there to help you come through it.”

Does that mean some sort of supernatural fix for a troubled marriage? Maybe, but much more often, I’ve seen how it’s translated into unexpected help from a distant cousin, a surprisingly supportive chat with your financial advisor, an out-of-the-blue offer from your boss for a few days off, or a quiet promise from a “religious” neighbor to pray for you.

All these things could very well happen to Ms. Nagy. Or to you. And you may not even realize it until later. That’s just how God likes to work. We’re part of His plan. In fact, we are His entire plan – even when we treat marriage and commitment like a burden or joke.

What do you think? Post your thoughts below and let’s have a conversation.

THE PROBLEM WITH ‘GOOD’

“Why can’t you just be good?”

That was the question a frustrated relative posed during a faith discussion at a social event. The question was aimed at me because I was the lone Christian there and the topic was getting to Heaven.

Just be good and you’ll be welcomed inside the pearly gates, right? As far as I can tell, that’s the point of view held by most people in our culture.

So why isn’t it true? Well, consider this: the residents of Walkerton, Ontario — a small town in central Canada — thought their water supply was good. You could pour a glass, hold it up to the light and it looked perfectly fine to drink.

But it wasn’t. In 2000, many residents began to experience bloody diarrhea and infections. Local officials insisted the water was drinkable, until the skyrocketing number of contamination cases caused the region’s medical officer of health to issue a “boil water advisory”.

It turns out the water was infected with deadly E.coli bacteria and by the time the crisis ended, 2,500 people (half the town’s population) became ill and seven died.

This may seem like an extreme case to you, but trust me, there isn’t a particle of water on this planet that is absolutely pure. No matter how clear and clean it appears.

And that’s the case with human beings. No matter how good some of us seem to be, no matter how generous, no matter how well-adjusted, every one of us has defects.

Looking for evidence? Consider this excerpt from the Bible, found in a section called ‘Romans’: “All have sinned and are not good enough to share God’s divine greatness.” Sadly, nothing has changed since those words were written about 2,000 years ago and that’s why you can’t “just be good” and get into Heaven.

But there is a solution. Most Christians believe what the Bible says and it says God did something about our inability to become truly good. He gave us the gift of Jesus Christ, whom serious Christians (and many others) believe is God’s divine son.

Here’s what Jesus did:

• He lived with us;
• He taught us who God is and how we can welcome Him into our lives;
• He allowed government authorities to put him to death, so that ALL the wrongs committed by anyone who believes in him and follows him would be paid for and wiped out of existence;
• He came back to life to defeat the power of death and provide a way for all humanity to live with Him forever in Heaven.

I see this as incredibly good news. How about you? Post your thoughts below and let’s have a conversation.

FROM EXCLUSIVE TO INCLUSIVE

“Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.”

These are the words of Mike Jeffries, the chief executive officer of trendy clothing retailer Abercrombie & Fitch, spoken in an interview with Salon, the online news and entertainment website.

That this is the policy of his company is not surprising; lots of retailors aim their products at a specific demographic (rarely mine, I can tell you) and ignore all others.

But none have been so bold – or brave – to publicly state that they don’t want overweight, older or ‘unattractive’ people anywhere near their products.

I’m fascinated by the resulting controversy; many people, media outlets and websites reacted almost violently to Jefferies. Some online posters even searched out and shared the most unflattering photos of the CEO that they could find.

But isn’t it clear that Abercrombie & Fitch’s philosophy is exactly how our world works? Haven’t you seen or heard advertisements for condominiums that emphasize how exclusive they are? And aren’t certain restaurants trendy because they are exclusive? What about golf and country clubs – don’t they attract a certain kind of person who likes their exclusivity?

More important, aren’t there times in our lives when most of us – me included – have yearned for a meal in that exclusive eatery or lusted after a unit in that trendy housing project? We actually want to exclude others.

In some ways, I appreciate Mike Jeffries thrusting this unpleasant human characteristic into the spotlight. It gives me a chance to examine my own thinking patterns. It also highlights one big reason why I hold fast to my Christian faith.

You may have been told, or come to believe, that Christianity is exclusionary – that only people in the club get to spend eternity in Heaven with God and His son, Jesus Christ.

Serious Christians do believe that because we believe the Bible is altogether trustworthy and in a section simply called ‘John’, Jesus says “I am the way, the truth, and the life. The only way to the Father is through me.”

But what the critics of Christianity don’t tell you is anyone – and I mean ANYONE – can join Jesus in Heaven. God presents His son as a GIFT to every man, woman and child on planet Earth. Gifts are made to be accepted and that’s all you and me have to do to get in on this so-called “exclusive” offer.

When you tell God you want to trust in His son (who serious Christians believe died to make up for all the wrong things we’ve done and the right things we’ve failed to do), the slate is wiped clean. No matter how ugly your past might be.

How inclusive is this gift? It’s open to Mike Jefferies, it’s open to me, it’s open to YOU, it’s even open to the most reprehensible kind of person (read one such story here: http://wp.me/p2wzRb-6K).

So what do you think of this gift? Post your thoughts below and let’s have a conversation.

THE DILEMMA OF DELUSION

Does being born and raised into your “religious” faith make you a deluded person? Absolutely, according to atheist John Loftus. His fascinating essay is called “The Top Ten Marks of a Deluded Person” and I’m happy to engage John on all his points.

1. John says being born and raised into a faith makes you delusional for this reason: “Just taking the odds at face value, this is non-controversial and undeniable given the number of religions propagated around the globe and adhered to with utter and complete confidence as the one true faith.”
Do you understand that? Me neither. And I’ve read a lot of “religious” books and engaged in debates with anti-Christian atheists. Maybe someone can explain it for me.

2. As an adult, never adopts nor cultivates the adult attitude of doubt. John says “All adults must revisit the religious faith taught to them by their parents,” and I absolutely agree.
The Bible agrees, too. In a section called ‘Philippians’, Christians are encouraged to “work out your salvation with fear and trembling”. Did you know that, John?

3. Never reads widely or is exposed to other points of view in the media.
We agree on this one, too. I’m always saddened when I encounter Christians who know nothing about other faiths or about the burning issues of the day. It’s embarrassing.

4. Does not travel widely, including travel into different cultures.
Not so fast, John. Maybe you have the resources to wander all over this glorious planet. But many, many people (some of them atheists), don’t. So that hardly makes anybody deluded.

5. Never studies deeply into the nature of his or her adopted faith.
Yes! I’m also embarrassed when I chat with fellow Christians and get a blank stare when I mention a well-known person or event in Christian history. So now I can ask you, John: have you studied deeply into the nature of your atheistic faith?

6. Lies in order to defend one’s faith. “If you have to lie to defend your faith, then you need help,” John writes.
And I nod my head in vigorous agreement.

7. Preaches to people who think differently, rather than rationally engaging them.
Once again, John and I see the same way. That’s why Frank’s Cottage is focused on starting conversations with readers. I end every essay with that invitation.

8. Claims he or she does not need evidence to believe.
Ya, that’s a silly claim. Do I have all the evidence I want? Nope. If I did, it wouldn’t be called “faith”. But do I have enough? Absolutely. Just as I imagine John has enough to believe in his faith.

9. Must be convinced that his or her faith is impossible before seeing it as improbable.
John seems to think that if he can show that someone’s faith is improbable, that should be enough. OK, John. What if someone demonstrated that atheism is an improbable faith. Would you be willing to change your mind?

10. Must denigrate the sciences in order to have faith. “Faith demands it,” John added.
I disagree. As far as I’m concerned, God invented science to show us more about Him. And I’ve written about just a few of the Christians currently starring in the science world here: http://wp.me/p2wzRb-3o.

So, am I deluded because I follow Jesus Christ? Or are you surprised at how often John and I agreed? Post your thoughts below and let’s have a conversation.

DRIVING YOUR CAR OFF THE ROAD

I’ve been reading a blog by a guy named Derrick Miller, who wrote about his trip in and out of Christianity and, finally, to atheism.

It’s pretty interesting reading, and Derrick makes some good points about some of the challenges of being a Christian. Among them, he notes:

•   The difficulty of reading and comprehending some parts of the Bible;
•   The challenge of living the kind of life he thought would be pleasing to God;
•   Coming to some sort of conclusion about the purpose of the universe; and
•   Understanding why there are so many Christian denominations (more than 50 in Canada alone).

Can I address these difficulties in a credible way? Some of them, perhaps, but not all. I don’t believe many people can, simply because they are huge topics requiring an incredibly wide range of knowledge.

But there’s something larger here to address. Something that Derrick’s blog made very clear: he didn’t understand that Christianity isn’t primarily about comprehending all the Bible or the universe. It isn’t primarily about pleasing God by trying to emulate Mother Theresa or Billy Graham. And it’s certainly not about grasping all the viewpoints held by Christian churches.

In the end, the things that tripped up Derrick are merely colorful, shiny billboards on the road of life. Spend too much time staring at them and, like Derrick, you’ll drive off the road and land in a ditch.

Ultimately, Christianity is about a relationship between you and Jesus, whom serious Christians believe is the son of God. Plain and simple? Yes, but it’s very radical and utterly opposite to doing stuff and understanding stuff and reading stuff and getting our act together and, and, and…

I suspect if Derrick had encountered someone who could have explained this relationship and lived it out in front of him – a mentor or a Christian friend or an interested pastor, for example – then his life would have been very different.

A mentor could have guided Derrick to resources that would provide a new and relevant understanding of the Bible.

A pastor could have shown Derrick that while it’s great to get his act together, he (a) could never be “good enough” for God – and didn’t have to, thanks to Jesus’ death and resurrection – and, (b) he didn’t have to even try on his own.

A Christian friend could have made it plain to Derrick that there have always been, and always will be, unanswerable questions. Those questions are the evidence we egotistical humans need to remind us that God is God and we are NOT.

Are the things that put Derrick’s “car” into the “ditch” the same things that are keeping you from even sliding behind the wheel and turning the ignition key? Respond below and let’s have a conversation.

WHEN SOMETHING IN THE AIR IS OH SO RARE

He visited a church. It left him so “scared” that he wrote one of his best-known songs about the experience. But what happened – or didn’t happen – after?

I’m referring to Burton Cummings, the pride of Winnipeg, Manitoba, leader of the Guess Who, one of Canada’s best known classic rock bands and a well-known solo singer/songwriter/pianist.

During the 1970s, Cummings was in New York City and visited St. Thomas Church. His time inside that glorious cathedral was so moving, he wrote ‘I’m Scared’, a song on his first solo CD that he still performs today.

Stopped by to see St. Thomas, on a cold and dreary New York afternoon
Something in the air was oh so rare
I don’t know what it was but I know that it’s still right there
and I’m scared.

As Cummings said years later, during a reverential 2011 YouTube video tour of the church, “There was a presence, definitely a presence”.

In fact, the lyrics to ‘I’m Scared’ say this:

Never been much on religion, but I sure enough would like to hear the call.
Come on now, give me a sign you’re listening to me
You hear me talking, you hear me crying, it’s confusing to me Lord, I’m terrified.

So as far as I can tell, God DID give him a sign He was listening. He knew about Cummings’ spiritual emptiness, brought him to St. Thomas Church and touched his soul in a way he’d probably never before experienced.

And yet, every other recording, TV or radio interview, video (including one on his latest studio CD, Above The Ground, which is laced with F-bombs) and all the blogs on his website make it clear that Cummings didn’t respond to God. God gave him a sign and Cummings turned his eyes away.

Certainly, that’s the easiest thing to do in our culture, which seems to regard most spirituality with suspicion and Christianity with outright contempt. But in doing the easy thing, Cummings is still left with a spiritual hole – just read between the lines of his blog entries and you can see it for yourself.

For many years, I did the same thing as Cummings. Through my experiences and encounters with people who followed Jesus, God reached out to me and invited me to connect with Him through His Son. It had almost nothing to do with “religion”, but everything to do with a life-long, life-enhancing relationship that would continue after my time on this planet is done. And until 2002, I ignored it.

Has this ever happened to you? Do you recall an experience laced with a presence you can only call “God”? If yes, why not revisit it? Then post a comment below (or, if you want more privacy, email me at fdking@hotmail.com) and let’s have a conversation.

FORGIVENESS AND THE SON OF SAM

If you’re over 40, you might get a chill as I resurrect a shadowy name from the 1970s: Son of Sam.

This was the nickname David Berkowitz gave himself as he terrorized New York City, killing six people and wounding seven in 1976-77. In prison since then, he claimed during his trial that he was under the influence of a demon who possessed his neighbor’s dog.

Berkowitz was in the news not too long ago, responding to a 2011 Fox News reporter’s inquiry to reveal he would no longer seek parole because his Christian faith has already made him free.

“I am not saying this jokingly,” he wrote. “Jesus Christ has already forgiven and pardoned me, and I believe this. He has given me a whole new life, which I do not deserve. I am forever grateful for such forgiveness.”

Before you begin protesting, Berkowitz has expressed remorse for his crimes, dating back to 2007 when he issued an apology on his website. He expressed remorse again in his Fox News letter, writing “I have deep regret and sorrow over my past criminal actions.”

But that’s not the point of this essay. The point is more controversial. Has the Son of Sam been forgiven by Jesus Christ? Has he been given “a whole new life”?

The answer, if Berkowitz is sincere, is YES. If he came to believe that Jesus died to pay for his crimes, and as a result asked for the forgiveness Jesus made available to every person on this planet, then YES. If he’s committed himself to following Jesus, then YES.

Isn’t this outrageous? That’s the scandal of God’s grace (unmerited favour) through Jesus. It isn’t just available to you and I for those times we exceeded the speed limit or lied to our supervisors or paid for some service under the table. It’s available for everything. For everyone, including the Son of Sam.

Our culture may not consider this a good thing. But it is. In fact, I regard this grace as one of the things that most separates Christianity from other faiths. And it is based on a complete lack of what some cultures call a “caste” system that ranks people’s value.

When Paul, one of the earliest Christian missionaries, wrote in the Bible that “all of us have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory,” he didn’t include a footnote that singled out some people or groups as having sinned more (or less). That statement is the great equalizer for all humanity. See? No caste system.

So, if you’re carrying around something that pesters you like a persistent backache, do what David Berkowitz has done: place your trust in Jesus, ask for forgiveness with complete sincerity, then receive it. And believe it, because that forgiveness is as real and enduring as death, taxes, and annoying reality TV shows.

Even if you’re not burdened with guilt, give some consideration to this Christian faith that goes beyond our wavering ability to forgive. It provides permanent grace, an extraordinary gift to a broken world.

What do you think? Post your thoughts below and let’s have a conversation.